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I always knew a long distance relationship was going to be hard. I’m 19...I can’t help looking round and seeing amazing guys and wondering...what if? What if I was single. Would any of these guys be interested in me? Would my life be different? If not Him...who else?

I say to him I don’t have to have children or get married to be happy, but let’s be honest. I’m a traditional girl. The image of me and my gorgeous, amazing hubby sitting at a family dining table, reading the paper, eating cereal and toast and orange juice and a couple of kids. A cereal-packet family. Not pizza in bed every night. I want to experience the world with my man, not shut ourselves away from it. "Love does not consist of staring into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward in the same direction".

I didn’t realise there were actually some guys out there who do want that kind of thing,
And yes, it’d be great with Him. We have the same interests, he loves me so much and I DO love him. But I don’t think I can grow with him. I feel he’s holding me back, because he’s adorably immature... and a social hermit.

But what about him?? I can’t imagine what he’d be like without me. I cant bear to see him spend the rest of his life single and alone. But he wouldn’t make an effort to find anyone else. I mean, if I wont put up with it, how could anyone else. I might be his soul mate but he’s just not mine. But could i live with myself If I broke up with him?? How would I even justify that.

If Id have met him three years later, or he’d been a bit more mature. Then maybe. Maybe then.

Well it wasn't too bad. I am here, á la destination, having picked up two new books on the way (because everyone knows the old saying, a girl can never have too many books. Especially when she already owns plenty of unfinished ones and has no spare money), eaten half a bag of bonfire toffee and having made serveral, rather interesting and very English discoveries, as follows;

Discovery number 3: There is, somewhere in England, a building dedicated to the APPLIED RESEARCH OF PEAS AND BEANS. Oh yes, an entire building. With a real, official looking sign and everything. This is why we don't have enough doctors? Because those with the talent and ability and enthusiasm to BE doctors, decide instead to sit around all day working out wether the "runner" is technically a pea, or why the Haricot doesn't smell the same as a Berlotti.

Where is the Love?

Overall, Starting Uni doesn't feel a thing like going back to school or college. It doesn’t really feel similar to anything. But I'm experiencing the same nervous-excited-can't-sleep phenomena as I have had every September 3rd/5th/9th for the last 14 years. Which, call me crazy, but I love.  

And today was a definite back-to-school day. The kind that makes you want to eat apples and buy stationery. The sky was kind of grey and misty, the temperature was cool but not biting, so I could still leave the house without wearing a coat, the air smelt of cut grass and burning, and there were orangey-gold leaves underfoot. I felt like going home, snuggling up with someone in front of a fire with a huge mug of hot chocolate and watching trashy films.  

Bliss. 

Instead however, I've been practical and organised. I've collected prescriptions, had my hair cut, and finished packing my room up.  I've also had to be content to get my autumnal happy-time from humming "Autumn Days" - the only hymn i like, and only primary school assembly song I remember - over and over and over again to myself. A major upside being there hasn't been space in my head for Katy Perry and her irritatingly contagious girl-kissing antics. 

I'm sure there aren't many people who leave for uni with four large suitcases, a box, a large shopping bag, a small holdall, a handbag and a huge, fluffy, lime green cushion in tow. Luckily, though, I don't have to travel the 8 hour journey on the train, as my parents are taking me down in our rather old, rather battered, rather temperamental snail of a campervan. Thus drastically increasing the available luggage space, but also, not so luckily, drastically increasing the amount of time it will take to get there. 

So, if my next blog, detailing my arrival, is available a week next Saturday, it'll be earlier than expected.